Upheaval

*Originally posted to Instagram in January 2022

“You’ve lost your job and you’re being sent home. Pack your bags, clean your apartment, here’s your ticket. Good Luck.”

Stay away from your friends, don’t leave the house, the gym is closed..

AND MOST IMPORTANTLY:

wash your hands every time you touch anything.

Your loved ones depend on your suffering.

What a time.

This photo was taken by my mom about 2 months after I had returned home due to covid.

Angry.

Sad.

Confused.

Resentful.

Without “control” and with a victim mentality.

Self Talk:

“For what? Then what? **** it.”

“What the **** am I doing?”

“What am I going to do?”

“You’re ******* useless.”

“Pathetic.”

“Get that ******* camera out of here.”

The good news is that I couldn’t continue like this.

First things first: I had to acknowledged what I was up against.

I acknowledged it was no small serving of adversity, including but not limited to:

Upheaval.

Boredom.

Impatience.

Loneliness.

Purposeless.

Disconnection.

Loss of income.

Loss of direction.

All with continuously extending dates postponing resumption.

“Yeah… that is a lot.”

“Shit… no wonder you feel that way.”

“Damn… I wouldn’t expect you to feel any different”.

Said me to me.

There’s an amazing thing that happens when you take stock of your own weight you carry.

When you stop beating yourself down.

When you shift from a state of lack to abundance.

Compassion.

Self love.

Forgiveness.

All things I continue to learn more and more.

Now the choice was to decide for myself what I could control…