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How Are You Doing?


Originally posted for "Bell Let's Talk" 2022

"How are you doing?"


Every year I share a few words of encouragement: a post with a few sentences sewn together.


Today, I feel urged to share a little differently.

Today, I'll share some words happening in real time.


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I've had a particularly tough time the last couple of weeks. My "default" when this happens continues to see that I become cold, withdrawn, bitter, and angry.


A mental "flip of the table" towards everything as I collect small losses, magnify them, and paint things black.


As the storm seems to have passed, with the encouragement of a couple key moments, today I get to assess the following:


1. What created my negative state?

2. What fed my nagative state?

3. What supported the shift of my negative state?


"Pop by my office before you leave?"


It continues to amaze me how the question "how are you doing?" when asked in a concerned fashion has the ability to cut my last thread.


Choking on my words: I got to drop the first of what I was carrying.


It quickly saw that I was able to drop the rest. This was done through discussions beyond my time in the office.


And so, back to the assessment..


1. What created my negative state?

Unvoiced fear, insecurity, and imagined pain. My isolation.


2. What fed my nagative state?

The amount of time spent in spiral. The thinking brain. Compounded overwhelm of imagined conflicts and scenarios. Failure to ground back into the present.


3. What encouraged the shift?

Writing, speaking, listening. The expression and organization of thoughts. The acknowledgement that is: “I'm thinking this and I know it's not true".


Most importantly: the space my coach created for me. It was his "how are you doing?" that was my turning point on this particular episode.


Thank you Keefer for allowing me the space to voice what little I was able to get out to you that afternoon. Our meeting is the reason every day since has been a little bit better than the last.


Check in on each other.

Create Space.



Much Love,

Kevin Raine

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